Hoop Dreams

I went back to basics, grew five inches and worked on my game. By junior year I made Varsity. This year I finally started. And, without dribbling and unguarded, I can now dunk with an approximate 50+% success rate.

Car Trouble

I have cultivated a habit of reading the newspaper each week. Originally I did it just to check if the hit-and-run was in the paper or if they were looking for me, but soon I realized that there were many issues in the world I was interested in reading about. Take for example Africa.

White Culture Studies

I recognize that not all stereotypes are untrue. Some are “based in truth.”

Undecided

The ideas that I challenge are not only my own. They are also the ideas of every other kid committed to the rat race. You know the ones I’m talking about. The ones who spent two months on this essay and not the twenty minutes I’ve just passed waiting for my pizza to finish heating.

Heaven is 4 Real

You know what delicious Ben and Jerry’s Cherry Garcia tastes like in comparison with the ice cream in heaven? Garbage. Moldy old garbage covered in bug larvae. And when I eat generic-brand vanilla? Pardon the profanity, but it’s literally like someone is pooping in my mouth.

I am NOT a Drama Queen

Having been abandoned by my parents who were already disappointed in my inability to be accepted into a decent college, I’ll have to move where no one will ever find me: Bangkok.

Asian Fetish

When it comes to meeting and seducing Asian women, I believe you have to walk before you can run.

Mother Knows Best

Let me just say that raising Timothy from a tiny, perfect, miracle baby into a strong, handsome, smart, popular, brave young man has been an absolute pleasure.

I Once Ate a Guy, But I’ve Changed

It wasn’t just prison that brought me to this bright new point in my life. It was also my beautiful fiancée Rita, who contacted me through a pen pals program.

More Than a Fan

My dad wasn’t exactly ecstatic about dropping me off at a concert for a band called The Panty Droppers, but he was a good sport about it after my mom explained “that’s just how kids talk these days.”
Latest
  • Hoop Dreams

    I went back to basics, grew five inches and worked on my game. By junior year I made Varsity. This year I finally started. And, without dribbling and unguarded, I can now dunk with an approximate 50+% success rate.
  • Car Trouble

    I have cultivated a habit of reading the newspaper each week. Originally I did it just to check if the hit-and-run was in the paper or if they were looking for me, but soon I realized that there were many issues in the world I was interested in reading about. Take for example Africa.
  • White Culture Studies

    I recognize that not all stereotypes are untrue. Some are “based in truth.”
  • Undecided

    The ideas that I challenge are not only my own. They are also the ideas of every other kid committed to the rat race. You know the ones I’m talking about. The ones who spent two months on this essay and not the twenty minutes I’ve just passed waiting for my pizza to finish heating.
  • Heaven is 4 Real

    You know what delicious Ben and Jerry’s Cherry Garcia tastes like in comparison with the ice cream in heaven? Garbage. Moldy old garbage covered in bug larvae. And when I eat generic-brand vanilla? Pardon the profanity, but it’s literally like someone is pooping in my mouth.
  • I am NOT a Drama Queen

    Having been abandoned by my parents who were already disappointed in my inability to be accepted into a decent college, I’ll have to move where no one will ever find me: Bangkok.
  • Asian Fetish

    When it comes to meeting and seducing Asian women, I believe you have to walk before you can run.
  • Mother Knows Best

    Let me just say that raising Timothy from a tiny, perfect, miracle baby into a strong, handsome, smart, popular, brave young man has been an absolute pleasure.
  • I Once Ate a Guy, But I’ve Changed

    It wasn’t just prison that brought me to this bright new point in my life. It was also my beautiful fiancée Rita, who contacted me through a pen pals program.
  • More Than a Fan

    My dad wasn’t exactly ecstatic about dropping me off at a concert for a band called The Panty Droppers, but he was a good sport about it after my mom explained “that’s just how kids talk these days.”